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Women having sex in college are all gunning sne Alpha, bemoaning his unwillingness to commit. Women not having sex in college are shut out, virtually invisible to men. As Simmons said so well, we are enjoying the unintended spoils of the Sexual Revolution. I reject the sex-obsessed interpretation of how this struggle came to be. When I see such a large scale power struggle between men and women, I tend to think the reason is rarely biology, and usually socially constructed sexism.

Women, you just can't have it all by 30, OK? Good. So why do you keep trying?

How to tell your daughter she is hookup a loser is not the problem here! Women are outpacing men in school and at work. Boys have power over girls in the hookup culture because they dangle the carrot of a relationship as they hammer away with their sticks. Daughrer someone who uour remember college pretty well as it drifted into this hook-up culture, I can say firmly that getting a capital-B boyfriend was a huge source of social validation hokup status. They give something—validation—and instead of getting anything for it, they end up having to pay the price of not having their options open. What Marcotte says about the derivation of social status is true.

What has changed is the way men define status. What she fails to see is that two generations ago, a guy derived social status by having a steady girlfriend. That meant he was a guy with a regular supply of sex, and that was really the only way he could get it. As women mature, we gain jobs and homes of our own, and become more sure in our tastes and our friendships. For women, this is an enormous power grab. The amount of our social value derived from male attention shrinks as more of our social value comes from our jobs and the image we project in the world. As kids weaned on hookup culture graduate from college, they export it directly into the professional and dating world they enter.

This trend will continue and be magnified in coming years. The girls are lurching in the right direction, but what needs to happen now is more attention paid to the boys. How can we discourage young men from validating each other based on displays of misogyny? How can we get boys to appreciate girls more as human beings? How can we dismantle a system where social status in youth cultures is controlled strictly by young men? Men are responding to hard-wired cues that give them an advantage in the reproduction sweepstakes.

You might as well suggest that we tame lions into house cats. It is losef in their nature, and it tell not mean they are misogynist. Nona Willis Aronowitz writes on Hookjp Feminist or not, that shit sucks. And it happens a lot, to women and girls everywhere. The biological clock hookhp not tick as loudly, and none of my male friends have ever thought about paternity leave. A male friend, aged 29, tells me: We may have the same goals as our male counterparts, but we know that we have a countdown for them. Bye bye gap yah But before you start freaking out, listen to this advice author Jennifer Weiner recently gave to her year-old self: Beverley Turner, 40, has three kids and an Olympic medallist husband.

Successful family life 1 Get a baby bank account. It will give you a choice. You have to be much more fluid in your career, much more robust to change. When I met James, I felt like we were equals and had similar lifestyles, on and off aeroplanes.